A Roaring Disappointment

Dear readers,


I have a confession to make. I have been wilfully skipping candy bars. I see them in the display case at the off-license, I note their presence, and I pass them on by. I know I was going to take the rules very seriously when I set out to document my opinions on British chocolate bars, but really, life is too short for eating bad candy bars.


So I passed by the Milky Bar (ew white chocolate), and a Terry's Chocolate Orange bar (an unholy flavor combination), and will be skipping the Aero bars (both varieties at the shop) next week. I've had them and they are gross. So there.

On to the bar I actually DID eat this week - a Lion bar. Not sure if this is meant to be wildly patriotic or Nestle just ran out of things to name their candy bars. The Lion bar is a veritable festival of ingredients - a wafer filled with a vanilla-y cream, surrounded by a layer of chewy caramel, all covered in a thick outer layer of chocolate studded with crispy rice pieces. 

I never thought I'd say it, but maybe one bar can have just TOO many good things going on. I mean, I am a fan of the 'goodies', but it's almost like someone at Nestle said, 'hm, this bar doesn't have enough going on, let's add about 12 more ingredients.' All the component parts are fairly tasty on  And it's a workout to eat! I was sitting in front of a movie and just wanted to relax, and ended up working far too hard to chomp my way through all the crispiness and the overly chewy caramel. It's like a Loaker with plate armor. 


Lion bar, you're pretty good, but you're just trying too hard. An underachieving three bars is all you'll get.


Basically, this is a case of a little too much of a good thing. Kinda like the Christmas season, which makes this a good bar to start my holiday hiatus on. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, see you in the New Year!

Bar-o-Meter



Toffee: Creepy or Delicious?

This week I'm back to English soil and reviewing a Toffee Crisp. 


So, I’m coming from the American-centric view that toffee is one thing and one thing only – those Werther’s Original snacks that had the creepy Grandpa/Gransdson ads recycled from the early 80s. So when I was steeling myself for overly sweet gobs of candy that would get stuck to my teeth for the remainder of the day, imagine my surprise when I bit into the bar and found that 'toffee' was actually caramel – or something that tastes an awful lot like it!

The Toffee Crisp is a nice substantial candy bar with a reasonably thick layer of chocolate on the outside, surrounding a base of crispy rice coated in chocolate, all topped with nicely chewy caramel. The caramel is a great consistency - not too chewy as to make it impossible to eat, but gooey enough that it doesn't all just melt away into nothingness. In the grand tradition of Nestle bars, it’s generally lacking in chocolate flavor, but the caramel (excuse me - toffee) does a lot to sweeten up this bar. The bar is indeed crisp, unlike some disappointingly soggy bars of the past that delivered big promises for crunchiness and then disappointed.

The Toffee Crisp actually tastes an awful lot like an American 100 Grand bar, which, oddly enough, I was totally craving last week. In fact, I think you can’t really ever go wrong with a bit of crispy rice added to a candy bar. (At least, it hasn’t happened yet – I’m sure someone has done something unspeakable with chocolate and rice somewhere – a special Olympics bar, perhaps? – so stay tuned). 

YUM. This is a really tasty bar, perhaps only held back by the poor quality of the chocolate on the outside – the palm oil Nestle loves so well leaves a slightly oily aftertaste, as does the thought of all those poor dead sun bears. I'd like to consider myself a reasonably ethical person in most matters, but maybe in the pursuit of sugary calories (especially ones as satisfying as these), there needs to be some necessary collateral damage.

4 bars!

Bar-o-Meter